does climbing need bigger britches?

1 07 2009
buckskin y'all!

buckskin y'all!

britches is a word i didn’t make up.  it means pants in grandma talk.  it’s like “cap”, but it goes on your legs.  your old, leathery, saggy legs.  climbing, on the other hand, is a word i made up…. just now while you were working through the very unfortunate “elderly leg situation”.  i’ll explain climbing in what i’m calling leighmhein’s terms.  it’s german for “i tell you slowly”:

climbing: the act of intentionally not falling whilst trying very hard to do just that.  falling i mean.  intentionally not, but trying to.  and with a vigor.

if this were a film, i’d arrange a voice-over here.  i’d have john cusack read his line.  it would say: “paradox movement”.  or maybe “paradox movement?”  ooh.  i like it as a query.  not sold on john cusack, but this isn’t really a film so i guess it doesn’t matter.

“paradox movement”.

“line?”

‘does climbing need bigger britches?’

“oh, right.”

apparently it might? wardrobe!

discuss.  topic?  climbing + popularity + capitalism + effects + me.  here are some prompts:

1) if climbing is rendered “gloryful” to all the people i hate *you know who you are*, will it make them like me?

2) will them liking me make me hate myself?

3) will my self-loathing make me like climbing even more?

4) do i look good in my green harness?

5) …

tommy “yes mom.  that’s right.  a rockclimbing blog.  no.  no.  what?  why would i be embarrassed?  I KNOW I’M NOT A DOCTOR!!!!” wilson





LIC: Michael Jackson Dead at 50

26 06 2009

Michael_Myers2

LIC is an acronym i came up with.  it stands for “Like I Care”.  it’s useful for when you care about something just enough to be an asshole but not enough to type the extra 6 letters.  a new standard in douchebag efficiency.  example interlogue:

“sent 12c.  3 go.  shkdng!”  txts your friend Sally Mcwhinesalot.

“lic what ur doing when im not there.  pls stop txting me from crags and bars.”  txts you.

“heh.  lic.  nice.”

the lesson here?  brevity + ambivalence = friendship.

oh, speaking of not giving a shit.  the interwebs are still reeling from the news of michael jackson’s heart failure/death havingness.  Read the rest of this entry »





not climbing?: keep being awesome

23 06 2009

3642661392_5801c3b218

i currently can’t climb.  not because i have 3 wounded fingers (i do) and not because my sponsor stipends have run dry (technically they can’t), but because my heart is broken.  that’s right; rockclimbing broke my heart.  not in the way that angelina jolie broke my heart when she wooed brad pitt away from rachel jennifer aniston.  nope.  in this case, rockclimbing with a viral infection made my heart muscle get all inflamed.  hearts afire!

so what?

now i have to sit here and recover while all the hard new lines go down in RMNP instead of climbing soft 12’s while all the hard new lines go down in RMNP.  and by sitting here i totally mean being “awesome!”.

scare quotes are intentional.  sitting is never awesome.

boo hoo.  at least my pulleys might heal.

-tt





innovation friday: harness pants

12 06 2009

windy-lady

the other day i was out climbing with my bros; a veritable who’s who of people i know.  okay, maybe i’m exaggerating a bit.

it was just me and aaron.

anywho.  we had just been to the ‘lode’ to get our pump on *spray’d* and we decided to head somewhere else for a warmdown.  and there we were standing under this 5.9+ (which is really a 10a!) talking about how dumb everyone is and how cool we are for allowing them all to live, when all of a sudden i had the best idea ever: harness pants.

it’s a classic american 2 for 1.  i’ll explain.  take two things that are seperate and sew them together!  1+1 = 2!  it’s crazy!  we wear pants to climb?  we wear harnesses to climb?  they both go on our legs?  OMFG!!!   HARNESSPANTS!!!!

even got ourselves a slogan: “harness the posspantsibilities”

if you happen to own a harness corporation, a pant company, or some sort of weird post modern hybrid and you would like to reach me for more details….

there aren’t any.  harness pants.  make it happen.  chop chop.

-tt





sportclimbing is like Rogue from X-Men

9 06 2009
Gambit_and_Rogue

someone is gettin' their Gambit on

dude.  it took my powers.  no, not my awesome blog-based super-ego.  nope.  it took my rockclimbings powers.

seriously.  building up an endurance base (20-30 pitches a week of 10c-11c for almost 2 months)  has really put a damper on my “explosive” power and “tepid to lukewarm” strength.

how do i know?  i just finished my winter hangboard/front lever workout and…..  i’m total weaksauce.  can’t do a front lever (it’s not like riding a bike oddly enough) and had to drop 30 lbs off my crimp/pull-up regimen.

i really didn’t see this coming.  if i was a poorly written character in a college/frat movie, i’d go on a binge drinking/public harrasment rampage to prove i’m still a virile stud. *WHO’S THE P**SY NOW MOTHER F**KERS!!!??!?!?!*

but i’m not.  so i blogged it.

*sigh*  virility lose.

-t “i shoulda seen this coming?” t